Componence Asset List

Alice, 33


I had no idea what was happening to me. It all felt very chaotic and I had no control.

I wake up in the morning, and realise almost immediately that opening my eyes is my biggest challenge of the day. That this ultimately succeeds is not exactly pleasant, the light is way too bright and it’s like being hit by a flash of lightning. The first thing I realize is that that what I felt yesterday, has not disappeared. Two hours pass while I lie in bed dreading getting up. Just walking to the refrigerator is a huge task in itself. I know I should eat, I’ve just lost my appetite. There is nothing I enjoy anymore. I feel gloomy and I have little energy. It’s been like this for a number of weeks.

I wake up two days later. It strikes me right away when I get up that I am actually well rested. I stretch and stretch my body and notice almost immediately that I have energy for two, maybe three or four. What was I worrying about all this time? The solution is suddenly crystal clear. Why not set up a new political party? My creative ideas are bursting out of my brain, this needs to be on paper. Yes on paper. Writing, maybe I should write a book, in which I first I can write all my ideas. My vision of the world. I can improve the world, yes let me introduce my plan. I will connect people and go and speak to them. I look around me, look in the mirror and am amazed at my beautiful reflection! I can see myself in the centre of the universe! I know others still exist, but I don’t really notice anyone anymore. I pick up the car, I'm going to start looking for a new location for my political party. Wow, how is it possible, my favorite song is playing on the radio! Specially for me. The cosmos is on my side, It’s even made sure I get the only empty parking space left in the parking lot! Nothing can fail!! I feel fantastic!! I will feel like this forever!!

This is how different my days can be. I have completely lost my balance. It can suddenly turn. Previously, I had no good what stage I was in. I had no idea what was happening to me. It all felt very chaotic and I had no control. I even moved to the Netherlands in a manic phase. Very impulsively I left everything behind me. And embarked on a new adventure. However, soon after arriving in the Netherlands it became clear that the same pattern of going up and down had started…

Now I am in treatment at PsyQ International there is more stability in my life. I use medication, because that is necessary with my condition. I keep becoming more aware of lingering depressive and manic episodes. Not that I'm always totally stable. I do however know my pitfalls better, and how to cope with them. I can finally start building up my future.