Componence Asset List
I did not know about or consciously feel them. They were truly hidden from consciousness, ruling from the depth of my sub-consciousness, or perhaps you could call it my soul, over my mind. Strangely enough, they did not even appear to affect my daily life as long as I was not in an intimate setting. Now I know that this was probably because I numbed my emotions with cannabis and alcohol instead of acknowledging and dealing with them.
It was only when I became intimate with my partner, with whom I see my future, that the true force of my buried childhood and teenage pain became obvious. A few months into our relationship, life was not enjoyable anymore, neither for my partner nor for me. My frequent outbursts of anger, generally unstable emotional state and disregard for evident issues quickly let our relationship spiral into a dark hole. A small disagreement – mostly from my side – would quickly turn into an argument, and it would not be long before the yelling, screaming and crying took over.
At one point – exhausted and stressed out from my mood swings and our continuous fighting – my girlfriend gave me a choice: either I would seek professional help or the relationship would be over. Confronted with possibly losing the love of my life, I reluctantly agreed to make an appointment with the PsyQ international health centre.
Already the intake interview was somewhat of a revelation to me. For the first time, I was challenged to think of childhood experiences and to take a closer look at my relationship to my parents and siblings. Then, through continuous work with my warm, empathetic and understanding therapist, I got to understand and know myself better week after week. Having the possibility to talk to someone about deep emotions in a safe and non-judgemental environment was, in itself, a healing experience. Learning about and being able to name and understand the underlying causes of my inner pain by use of the SCHEMA therapy also gave me more inner security in daily life. Mindfulness meditation has complemented this perfectly and has benefited me greatly.
In less than a year, my general life quality and the quality of my relationship improved significantly. However, I have to disillusion anyone who expects such a journey to be quick or easy. My journey is far from over. In fact, it will only end with my last breath. And I think this is great, because it is a meaningful and fulfilling journey leading to wisdom and inner peace. Having now finished the therapy, I continue to explore my inner self and pay close attention to my emotional state through regular mindfulness meditation. I would most likely not be at this point of my journey if I did not have the courage to sign up for a therapy a year ago, and encourage anyone struggling to do so.